"Love And The Two-Way-Street Myth"


Sermon Delivered By Reverend Richard E. Stetler – December 8, 2013

Centenary United Methodist Church

Psalm 72:1-7; Isaiah 11:1-10

 

    One of the familiar sayings of modern-day living is that love is a two-way-street.  Is this true?  This two-way street business is more like a transaction.  For example, we might give a bag of canned or dry goods for St. John’s food bank with an unrecognized string attached.  We can say, “If I should ever find out that people in the food line really do not need the help -- that is the last time I’m giving anything to this cause!”  Another example might be to determine the amount of money we give to Centenary in 2014 based on the value we feel we are getting from sitting in the pew for one hour a week. 

     Transactional love is an arrangement where we want to receive a return on our investment.  A lot of what we call love is more like a business transaction.  Our true motivation to love is often shrouded by unrecognized values that are mixed among the thoughtful activities in which we engage.  

    For example, during the Christmas season a husband might ask his wife, “Should we continue to send a card to the Outerbridges?  We haven’t gotten a Christmas greeting from them in years.”  Or, the wife might say, “I think we ought to revise our list of invitations to the Open House.  We have been doing this for five years and have any of these people ever invited us into their home?” We easily get the point. 

    Can we think of a time when we did something wonderful in secret?  Can we remember the last time we selflessly gave of ourselves and we were not expecting to receive a “thank you”?   What happens to us when we have given someone the world and there is no acknowledgement?   Is there a twinge of hurt?  If we have experienced this, we can more readily empathize with God because God literally has given us the world.  How many people on our planet are lined up to say, “Thank you” or treat this gift with the utmost respect?   Fortunately, God’s love is a one-way street.   God needs absolutely nothing from human beings.

The Gospel writer Luke knew this about God’s nature when he wrote:

 

God, who made the world and everything in it, is Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples made by human hands.  Nor does God need anything that we can supply by working for him since it is God who freely gives life, breath and everything else to everyone.”  (Acts 17:25)

There are a number of examples in human experience, however, where human love mirrors the one-way street that Divine love represents. 

    Back in the 1970s, Brazil was experiencing a high mortality rate among newborn babies. The government spent millions of dollars to build a state-of-the-art maternity unit in one of the large hospitals in Sao Paulo.  All the appropriate protocols were followed but nothing the developers created reversed the number of infant deaths.  When an international consultant was brought into the hospital, she found the most efficient facility she had ever seen.

    When she entered the theatre where the babies were being fed, she beheld the most germ and virus free environment possible.  The staff had positioned sterilized glass bottles of pumped breast milk in stainless steel holders.  Babies were positioned with blankets and pillows so that their mouths connected with the nipples on those bottles during feeding time. There was no risk of contamination because there was no human contact. 

    The guest doctor recommended to the staff that they bring the mothers into the area during feeding time so they could hold their babies as they were feeding them.  She speculated that the infants were dying because their environmental change was too traumatic. 

          The sound of the mother’s heart beat was gone along with the warmth and security of the mother’s womb.  The infants awakened to sterile surroundings with no one to hold them and love them.  Once the mothers were brought back to feed their babies, the mortality rate dropped dramatically.  The energy of a mother’s love is a one-way street.

    Even though we may live in adult bodies, all of us are children that need love from one-way-givers.  People around us may be exhibiting calls for love, but those calls can easily go unrecognized.  What happens to those people among us who are starved for recognition, validation and approval?  Just like infants and children, adults need to know that they matter.  Letting others know this requires very little effort on our part.  Why withhold it?

     This morning we have lighted the Second Advent Candle of Love.  The coming of Jesus into our world gave us a clear window through which to view one-way love.  What prevents people from experiencing love?  One of the issues that used to haunt me as a child was why the religious authorities refused to see the loving spirit of Jesus.  What he was saying and doing during his ministry was so obvious even to other students in my Sunday school class.  Why would a man who taught The Golden Rule be killed?

    However, just because the message of love was not received by some people, does not mean that it was unworthy of being sent.   Did the execution of Jesus cover the light that was allowing love to stream into our world?  Absolutely not!  Today, instead of having one light that was radiating love to those living in an obscure part of the world centuries ago, there are now hundreds of millions of sources of divine love in every populated area.  

    Jesus could not stop loving people even when he realized that few were coming to hear his messages.  He knew they were coming to experience or witness his healing touch.  How could ten individuals be cleansed of their leprosy and yet only one came back to say, “Thank you”? 

    We may remember Bartimaeus who received his sight when he had been born blind.  Religious leaders questioned this man repeatedly about how the healing happened.  After he told them, he said, “Maybe if you became one of his disciples, you will understand how I was healed.” They threw Bartimaeus out of the synagogue.  (John 9:13-34)  How can human beings be so blind to the presence of love?

    Is it any wonder that Jesus said, “Jerusalem, Jerusalem!  You killed the prophets and stoned the messengers God has sent you!  How many times I wanted to put my arms around all of your people, just as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you would not let me.”  (Matthew 23:37)  Most of us would deny that we are blind to love.  We would say, “This isn’t true.  I recognize thoughtfulness.  Most of us are not blind!” 

    During the years when I was surrounded with junior and senior high teenagers, I did a series of lessons on expressing one-way love.  It did not surprise me that few of the teenagers had ever told their parents how much they loved them.  During the years of adolescence, teenagers are into asserting their autonomy.  These are the years that are dominated by issues focused on self-interest.  Often expressing love is a developmental task that is among the last that teenagers engage in.

    For example, a teenager stopped by the office one afternoon and started complaining about how controlling her parents were.  She said, “They monitor and find fault with everything I do!”  She told me that her mother would not allow her to wear short skirts when all the other girls were wearing them.  She said, “My mom is a prude.”          

    Further, she told me that her mother would not allow her to apply lipstick, blush, eye-shadow and mascara the way she wanted.  Her father joined the exchange between his wife and daughter by saying, “Karen, female cosmetics are like spices.  They enhance the flavor of food without drawing attention to themselves.  You are wearing war-paint that makes you look like a two-bit hooker.”  Her father had a rather intriguing way with words.

    Since Karen and I had a good relationship, I sent her a note of encouragement after our meeting and enclosed a column written by Abigail Van Buren.  In one of her weekly columns of Dear Abby, she provided the following quote, “Attention all Teenagers!  Are you sick and tired of being hassled by your stupid parents?  Move out.  Get a job. Pay your own bills.  Act now while you still know everything.”  Karen got my point.

    I asked my youth groups to write notes to their parents that told them how much they appreciated all that their parents were doing for them and to tell them how much they loved them.  This exercise was like pulling teeth with this bunch of kids.  They kept saying, “I can’t do this!” However, like most of the experiential lessons I gave them, failure to follow through was not an option.  They were to slip these notes into their father’s briefcase or among the pillow cases where their moms would find them. 

    The second week they were mysteriously to begin doing chores around the house.  They were to run the vacuum, meticulously clean their rooms, wash the car, and generally be helpful around the house even when they did not feel like it.  After this behavior was introduced into their homes, I began to get calls from a good number of parents that wanted to know if their kids were in trouble.  

    The change in the behavior and attitudes of their children was so dramatic the parents became suspicious that something was up.  This was not normal.  Once the kids learned that their parents were freaking out by their new behavior and attitudes, they really ratcheted up their activity and began complimenting how physically attractive their parents looked and how delicious their meals were.  Two of the girls started to sort their fathers’ socks. 

    The meetings on Sunday nights were enthusiastic and dramatically spirited.  The kids could not stop talking about what was happening to their parents.  One mother asked her daughter if she were pregnant.  As many of them shared stories of their parents’ responses, they laughed uncontrollably.  One-way love really impacted them. They were learning about the power of an unseen, unrecognized energy-pattern that produces instant results in most environments.

    This was the power that Jesus revealed during his ministry. This is why we lighted the candle of love this morning.  God created the material world for all people -- Noble Prize winners and terrorists alike.  (Matthew 5:45)  This gift allows each individual to choose who they want to become.  Jesus’ message to all of us is that one-way love is the same love that God gives away.  When we give our love away as God does, we can change our world.