"When Dads Are At Their Best"

Sermon Delivered By Reverend Richard E. Stetler – June 16, 2013

Centenary United Methodist Church

Psalm 77:1-2, 11-20; Deuteronomy 6:1-9

 

    Since today is Father’s Day, it is interesting to review the history that took four decades before the third Sunday of June was set aside to honor our dads.  The idea came from Sonora Louise Smart Dodd, a woman living in Spokane, Washington.  She was inspired by Anna Jarvis’ work on establishing a permanent place on everyone’s calendar for Mother’s Day.

    Presidents Woodrow Wilson and Calvin Coolidge both gave their support to the idea but little was done to set a date.  Many years passed and finally President Lyndon Johnson made a Presidential Proclamation establishing the 3rd Sunday in June as Father’s Day in 1966.  Then, after four decades of Sonora’s persistence, President Richard Nixon established the same date to be set aside as a National Observance of Father’s Day in 1972.  Sonora Dodd was honored for having reached her goal at the 1974 World’s Fair that was held in Spokane, Washington.  She died four years later at the age of 96.

    We can speculate why it took so long for the day to be established.  The probable reason was that men were still in charge of many cultural issues.  Fathers very easily could feel that a special day to honor them would come at the end of a long list of greater priorities.  Some fathers may have been cynical by believing that such a day would merely be another marketing tool for the retail industry.

    Most men would not have come up with the idea of a day for them.   Whenever a group of men get together for a dinner prepared by and for other guys and there are flowers in the center of the tables, everyone knows that a woman was lurking somewhere on the sidelines.  Most men would not think about needing flowers on their tables.  The food, however, has to be plentiful and delicious. 

    It may be that had it not been for the work of a woman struggling for 40 odd years to get this celebration accomplished, we would not be celebrating Father’s Day today.  The idea of Father’s Day spread throughout the world since 1972, so Sonora Dodd succeeded in moving a mountain of passive complacency. Why is that?  Many dads do not see themselves as others see them.    

For example, listen to these words,

 

If everyone had a father like you, what a wonderful world this would be.  Because then, everyone would grow up knowing they were safe, protected and loved.  Everyone would know what it means to have someone to believe in and someone who believes in them.  Everyone would have the chance to make the most of themselves and be the best that they could be.  Everyone would be given the opportunity and the joy that our family has been given by having a father as supportive, as caring, as simply wonderful as you.

    What I just read was printed in the card sent to me by our daughter, Sue.  What immediately entered my mind was, “She must not know her father the way I know him!” 

    Many fathers know that they don’t quite measure up to what their children see them.  Many of us can think of all the opportunities we have missed at being the constant presence in their lives.  We think of the times we scolded them when we could have used that moment as an opportunity to teach them a different attitude or a more helpful way of coping.  We think of the times when we were distracted or frustrated by something and we failed to be supportive of our children when they reached some milestone of accomplishment.

    Time gets away from most dads and suddenly we discover that there is far more sand in the bottom of our hour glass than there is at the top.  It is later than most of us think.  Suddenly our children are grown and they talk to us more like our peers than our children.  They have reached the age where they have their own ideas of how to order their lives.  We realize that we cannot go back in time and make adjustments and corrections. 

    A recent commercial on television features a son picking up the tab at a local restaurant. As the father and son sat there with their wives, both of them had their hands on the leather holder containing the itemized bill for the meal.   Each realized that the right of passage had arrived as we listened to the thoughts each of them had about the other’s finances. After the mini-drama, the father reluctantly removed his hand and allowed his son to pay the bill.

    All fathers are teachers whether we realize it or not.   During a recent baptism in the States, I tried to convey to the new parents that children are more influenced by their spirit than by any rules, wisdom or commandments they give as authority figures.    

Our lesson today from Deuteronomy reveals a seminal teaching of Judaism: 

 

Israel, remember this!  The Lord – and the Lord alone – is our God.  Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your strength.  Never forget this.  Teach this to your children. Repeat this in your home and wear symbols that remind you of this lesson on your clothing. Write it on your doorposts of your homes and on your gates. (Deuteronomy 6:4f)

    The secret to being a successful parent is to remember this one cornerstone of faith.  Somehow, with all our failures, faults and short-comings, when fathers remember that God is at the center of their lives, children become imprinted by values, powers of reason and emotional stability that will serve them for the rest of their lives.  Remembering this one attitude toward God prevents a host of mistakes in judgment, a number of unnecessary detours and prevents many of our priorities from clouding our patterns of love with countless mixed signals.

    When we study the Parable of the Prodigal Son, pastors and teachers tend to dwell on the failings of a young man who had never been away from the farm.  His fantasies about the outside world kindled his imagination.  He just knew that life would be different if he had money, friends, fewer responsibilities and freedom to do anything that he wanted.  What is seldom mentioned when discussing this parable are the values of that young man’s father. 

    His dad knew that wealth comes by managing one’s expenses.  His dad knew that love greets others with an open hand, one that does not demand that others conform to some higher ethic.  His father knew that his son had to find his own way in life regardless of the consequences.  His father knew that he could not save him from the pitfalls that were bound to come to a young man that traded his job security and cash flow for the promise of having fun and a good time in the real world.

    When we think about the father of the Prodigal Son, we realize that God possesses the same attitude and wisdom when it comes to God’s relationship to us.  In fact, the reason Jesus used the parable was to illustrate the depth and breath of God’s love for us.  Jesus’ message was, “When you are done roaming all over creation and have experienced what you thought were greener pastures, come home and you will find me waiting for you with my arms open.”

    That boy remembered the imprinting from his dad after he had squandered his financial resources and his time, all in the spirit of having a good time.  When his relationship was restored with his father, the son was much wiser and the father, no doubt, became more attentive to the stories of his son’s life-experiences in the real world and how the values he found there contrasted with those he had been exposed to in his family and through his work on the farm.

    It is never too late to change how we order our lives.  Love is a strange energy pattern.  When we withhold it, both the giver and the receiver become like damaged goods. 

    A young man graduated from high school and he initially responded with a similar request like that of the prodigal son.  He said, “Dad, I want to go on an adventure and I want to begin that adventure in San Antonio, Texas.”  Dad said, “That is a long way from home. What would you think if I made this offer? I will give you a one-way airline ticket to San Antonio and $500.  You must find a place to stay, get a job and earn enough money to fly home at the end of August in time to get ready for college.”

    It was done.  Only then did the two of them tell Bobby’s mother.  She went ballistic and wanted no part of such foolishness.  The dad said, “Karen, this is a guy thing.  He’ll be fine.  You’ll have to trust Bobby on this.  This is also our opportunity to see what he can do before he goes to college.”  Bobby flew to San Antonio as a young 18-year old boy, spent several weeks at the YMCA, secured a job, rented a flat and in the middle of August, he flew home a more self-assured young man who was ready to take on whatever life would bring to his door.

    Dads know what the world has the potential to do to people.  His dad had taught him that Bobby was the only captain of his ship that he would ever have.  His dad taught him the skills of numerous crafts and how to use the tools of each trade.  They had worked side by side as they built a shed in the backyard.

    His daughter, Rebecca, was not interested in learning skills from her dad because she was interested in the world of business like her mother who was a comptroller of a company. Both Bobby and Rebecca were raised in the church and life was about ready to take them into the world where each would have their character and integrity tested time and again.

    Bobby and Rebecca’s parents were constantly asked by numerous friends, “How did you two do it? Your kids are wonderful, so mature and well adjusted.  Our kids are all over the landscape and frankly we are fearful for their futures.”  Karen shared a lesson she had learned.

    “Years ago,” she said, “I listened to several of my friends who were into song birds.  They were constantly talking about the varieties of birds that I had never seen.  One day, I visited one of my friends and as we sat down for a light lunch, I saw the reason for my friend’s success with attracting birds.”

    Karen related how her friends had filled the lives of birds with things that attracted them.  There were numerous bird baths, specialized bird feeders filled with thistle for the gold finches, birds that prefer to turn upside down to eat.  Her friend had other feeders and varieties of seed.  There were blue bird houses, shrubs and trees where birds could build their nests.  Her backyard was a virtual paradise for birds.  When her friend walked into the backyard, none of the birds flew away.  They knew her and trusted her.

Karen said,

 

It was like that with our family.  Allan and I did things that attracted our children’s interests, inspired their curiosity and imaginations.  Hopefully, during their growing up, who we are has rubbed off on them.  There is no blue print to parenting that works for every family.  What we do know is that God has the same problem that all parents have.  All God can do is love us and how we respond is up to us.  We have to know this intuitively because God has a big handicap.  God has to love us while remaining invisible.

    Dads are at their best when they allow their love to show up every day, not just when it is convenient.  By loving God with everything we have and remembering with gratitude the responsibilities we have, love in all its many forms will always show up.