"Hurt Feelings Are Teachable Sermon Delivered By Rev. Dick Stetler – February
23, 2014 Centenary United
Psalm 119:33-40; Matthew 5:38-48
This morning we are going to consider moments when others injure
us emotionally with their words or activities.
None of us escapes being hurt by other people.
Experiencing hurt feelings is
a right of passage into our
adult years. When we are
young and vulnerable, our self-esteem can be deflated by words that
impact us to the point where we wilt. Sometimes such moments in our past
become one of those snap shot
memories that somehow never got deleted from our
internal data base. I can recall very vividly the day when our Physical Education
Teacher tossed a basketball to one of the physically mature boys.
He asked him and another boy to choose sides and play half court
basketball. We had games
going at both ends of the gym. Once the teams had been chosen, I was the last boy standing on
the sideline. One of the
captains said, “Come on Stetler, you can be on my team.”
The other captain said, “That will give you an extra man.”
My captain said, “Are you kidding me? Stetler will not represent
any threat to your team.”
The rest of the boys laughed. They
knew I could not dribble very well. I was going through that awkward
stage when male voices begin to deepen.
My team members saw to it that I never got the ball. Many of us have similar memories from our childhood.
At that time one of the few lessons we were taught was, “Sticks
and stones can break your bones but names will never hurt you.” The
problem is that names do hurt us.
Sometimes our peers turn their backs on us and literally
de-friend us.
The pain of isolation and rejection can be overwhelming.
What
we needed during that period of our lives was
a life-coach that would have
taught us what such moments symbolize. We needed some skilled person to teach us that what just happened
was a wonderful teachable moment. For
whatever reason, such a person was frequently absent.
We needed someone to put us
back up on the horse once we were thrown.
We want our personalities to become like Teflon that protects our
inner world. Those that master this skill when they are young are
strengthened beyond measure for what the world will bring up for them in
their futures. A life-coach would have asked us why we personalized what other
people said. Why did we
fail to recognize that what others say was only a reflection of their
inner world, a world that had nothing to do with us?
Why was it that we elevated
someone else’s opinion of us above our own?
When we respond to someone’s unkind remark, we only succeed in
energizing it, thus keeping it alive. We do not need to look very far to see
children still playing these
games in our society.
The perplexing and frustrating aspect of what we witness is that
many of these children are
now living in adult bodies.
Democratic societies are filled with witnesses to the lies and
mud-slinging that surface during national elections or when elected
officials are debating the pros and cons of a piece of key legislation. What emotionally seasoned individuals have to realize is that the
world is always going to be exactly what it is.
The world will not change because we had our feelings hurt or
because we became upset by what our government is doing.
This week it was ironic to see the Olympics and the riots in the Jesus taught something that is largely ignored by countless people. He said, “Do not take revenge on someone who wrongs you.” (Matthew 5:39) Likewise he taught, “Love your enemies and pray for those who say all manner of unkind things against you.” (Matthew 5:44) Jesus
knew where each of our spirits came from and he understood that we can
stretch to unimaginable levels in our skill development.
Jesus knew that each of us has the ability to develop the same
attitudes as those of God and he said so.
Jesus said, “You must be perfect
just as God in heaven is perfect.” (Matthew 5:48)
Jesus would not have said this if it were impossible to achieve. When our lives are built on this
rock of self-confidence, the
winds and rains of the world can pound against us and we will not wilt
or crumble. This is a very
different approach to life from the attitude that thirsts and hungers
for justice in a world that will never give it.
The world is just fine the way it is.
We are the ones that are being given the opportunity to grow by
changing our attitude toward what we are experiencing. Elizabeth Barrett was a young girl that could not contain her
desire to capture her experiences with words. Her mother was very
controlling because she had a plan for Matters became more complicated when We can only imagine the pain that She went on to become a prominent poet during the Victorian era
of English history as well as the leader of the Romantic Movement. A
number of us are familiar with two lines in one of her poems.
“How do I love thee? Let me
count the ways.” She goes
on to list those ways with such eloquence. Jesus had this same love for his people.
Jesus faced incredible rejection during his ministry.
Scribes and Pharisees were always looking for flaws in Jesus’
character when he would depart from the strict interpretation of the
Law. Toward the end of his
life, his most outspoken disciple, Peter, denied knowing him, and his
band of followers abandoned him as they ran for their lives from the Many of us want to make others more accountable with their words
and actions but that was not what Jesus was teaching.
The focus of Jesus’ message was never about
fixing people.
That is not how the world works.
As painful as it is to understand, we will always be the ones
that grow by making changes within ourselves in how we greet what is
confronting us.
Instant forgiveness and letting go has never been about the other
person. Forgiveness and letting go is our statement to the world.
In the face of all the lies being said about him, Jesus mounted a
defense only once. When Jesus questioned the High Priest about the
charges against him, a guard slapped him across the face and said, “How
dare you talk like that to the High Priest.” (John 18:22)
From that moment on, Jesus remained silent and presented no
further defense.
Will
truth ever remain silent when
noisy children believe they
are winning by their caustic remarks and the power they wield?
With God in charge of creation,
I would not place any bets. Once I was doing a series of evening services for a colleague.
The last night there was a question and answer period.
An older gentleman took exception with one of my illustrations.
He said, “Were you suggesting that Mahatma Gandhi went to Heaven
when he died? When I told
him that he had done more to heal his people than many Christians have
done, he stood up and exclaimed, “That man was a Hindu!
I can no longer sit here and listen to this rubbish.”
He and his wife walked out of the service.
Needless to say, the moment
became very awkward. His orientation toward God was in another universe from mine.
That is the way of the world.
We have to express love
from the way we understand it even when others have a very different
frame of reference. Just so you know, Hinduism is an ethnic religion liked Judaism.
One is born a Hindu just as one is born a Jew. The reason Gandhi
never officially became a Christian was that he was turned away from a
number of Christian churches because of the color of his skin.
This is the way of the world. We are serving in it in spite of
the number of others that have not chosen to expand their spiritual
awareness. They remain
firmly anchored to the drama of this world.
When we have hurt feelings, we need to remind ourselves of
something that Jesus taught, “If you only love those who love you, where
is the reward for doing that.
Even tax collectors do that.”
(Matthew 5:46) Jesus was inviting us to be like God. When we have reached the place where we are at peace in spite of living in a world where there are constant wars and rumors of wars, it will be like owning the pearl of great price. We cannot give that skill to someone else. We can only model what that pearl has done for us. This is all that Jesus could do with his life as well. |